My American Journal - The Finale

And so I graduated..but with nothing extra. I'd say 'Alhamdulillah' just on the fact that I was able to graduate! It's kinda funny when I think back to the old days. There were times when I had this ridiculous thought that I should quit college, and take on a different journey altogether. The thought would linger for a while, but I always managed to get over it before it could consume me. To some here, I may have been a recluse, but again looks can be deceiving. The people who know me, they know how chatty and lively I am. ^^" A bore? Heh, not even close! :p I'm fun to be around. The way I see it, my writing has somewhat played the role to compensate for the recluse me. Split personality huh? Oftentimes, how I appear to others depends on the environment I'm in. My life has been confined to this particular environment here fior years, which I found quite difficult to handle. But now the windows are open again for me to choose from. May He help e make the wisest choice.

I couldn't thank you enough, Uncle Sam, for giving me so much to learn from, for letting me acquire what I came here for, for letting me discover the different sides of myself, for letting me fulfill my purpose in this chapter. You were introduced to me as "the land of opportunity", and from what I have seen, you does live up to the name. Please let me keep some of our memories together, so I'll have something to look back on when we are apart. One last favor from you if I may ask; please take good care of those I'm leaving behind, let them figure out what their purpose is and help them carry it out, let them reach their dreams to the full extent. As for me, I'll build up on what I have at the moment, and try to utilize these little talent and abilities I've got for the sake of this Deen.

Having been here, I can't deny to have grown quite an attachment for the land, for the people. A giant chunk of my love has scattered around, a portion of which is hundreds of miles away while another is right before my eyes; A portion of which I can keep and take home, while another is meant to be left behind. I'll leave this particular portion here. I'm not taking it with me for it feels too heavy on my shoulders. Should it come back to me then it's mine to keep, and if it doesn't I guess it was never meant to be. To some point, I'm tired of chasing after shadows under a dim light. Today I let go of my hopes and wishes. Perhaps when these shoulders get a little stronger, I can consider adding more to the load. A piece of advice before I close; never compromise the principles you have held on to for a nod of approval from others, for they are what makes you who you are. Refresh your intention regularly, and correct any misintentions you might have had along the way. Whatever thing you come across, or whatever situation you are faced with, assimilate the good and filter out the evil. To my beloved sisters, don't forget that you are our flag bearers. You represent this Deen more than we brothers do. Make us proud, make our Deen proud. ^^

Our company of each other may end, but our friendship will always grow. May Allah make things easy for you my brothers and sisters out there, and may He reward all your struggles. I hereby, shut down 'My American Journal' and 'Da'wah is Love'.

Assalamualaikum. =)

"prisoners" at ICR

Yesterday a jama'ah of about 20 madrasah students came to ICR for the month's khuruj. Among them were a couple of adults, including an uztaz teaching at the madrasah and a mufti from New York City. It's become part of the policy for madrasahs with da'wah that the students should spend one day in khuruj every month. Regular students like us are encouraged to spend one and a half days, whereas the general adults should spend complete 3 days a month. We did jaulah with them after 'Asar. Two groups went out; Wae took one group to the Yamanese masjid, and I took the other smaller group to visit the Malaysians. I love being in the company of madrasah students and I'd be delighted every time I get to go in khuruj with them. I've always envied those bright faces, thinking how blessed they are and how blessed their parents are that their kids are enrolled in the path of preserving the knowledge Deen. I see these kids as profitable investments of the parents for their akhirah. Now I wonder if I've had any significant investment for mine. I undertand, with the correct intention, striving to get a degree is also a rewardable good deed, but still when I look at those faces long enough I wouldn't realize when my eyes started welling up with tears. Yes, every now and then I would hear this consoling remark, "If you go to college with the right intention to please Allah you'll be rewarded for that.." But I can't quite confirm if all this while my intention has always been to please Allah. Anyway, later after Maghrib we listened to a bayan by the mufti. Among the point I can remember was that it doesn't matter if you're not doing a lot of solah or making enough dzikir..when you go out and see the real condition of the ummah, your heart will cry, and then you'll get the concern and appreciation for this Deen, from which the practice will follow. Otherwise, if we stay at home we'll see that everything is fine and nothing wrong is going on, and slowly we'll stop making effort on this Deen altogether. Also glad to hear from the mufti that even Al-Azhar now have started sending jama'ahs out and the grand masyaikh are stepping into this effort of da'wah. Yet another door is opened by Him. ALHAMDULILLAH. ^^

acquaintances

I've been getting some unexpected calls these past few days. The other day a Moroccan brother whom I met at an Ijtima' in Reading Pennsylvania called saying that he'd like to come to Malaysia, as part of his travel around the world plan, and would like to meet me over there. I barely remembered him but he did take my cellphone number during our short meeting. Do come over brother, I'll be there to show you around. Just yesterday, an America revert, Br. Omar, whom we met in Utica while in khuruj called me for help. His wearing Baju Melayu caught our eye back at Utica masjid. He was so delighted to meet some Malaysians again after his return from Malaysia. Br. Omar took his syahadah in Malaysia while teaching at IIUM aka UIA. His family, however, did not approve of his decision and until now they are still mad at him over his conversion. He went to Malaysia recently in the hope to find a job as a teacher. He was looking for a part-time position since he's currently suffering from a health problem and can't work long hours. Unfortunately the jobs available are just for full-time positions. And now he's coming back here again, having spent almost all of his funds. So he asked me if I could find him a place to stay for a while, perhaps until he gets a job. I told him if he's coming to Rochester he could stay in our house for as long as we're still here, and perhaps I can hook him up with some brothers who might be able to help. May Allah make things easy for Br. Omar and strengthen his iman for this is a trying moment for him as a revert to Islam. He's currently staying at a motel with a cousin who is not Muslim.

KauBoLEh (5)

Actually I think this is supposed to be later in order, because I think, this is the toughest one of all. But I was afraid that I wouldn't have much time to get here. So..just in case.

Conditionals - Untrue Events

Conditionals are used when talking about things that are impossible to happen to someone/something. We use 'If clause' to establish an untrue condition, and then add a secondary clause to it. When the 'If clause' precedes the secondary clause, we use a 'comma' to separate the sentences. A comma is not needed when the secondary clause precedes the 'If clause'. Try to identify and distinguish the two clauses from the following;


Present-Present:

If I were you, I would go and tell her the truth. (In reality, I am not you)

I would be the happiest man if I had a Mitsubishi Lancer. (In reality, I don't have a Lancer)

If I had a private jet, I would be leaving for Malaysia by now.

Note: Insert 'not' accordingly to form a negative sentence.


Present-Past:

If I knew the guy, I would have recognized him.

If I had a car, I would not have gone there on foot.

If you were not my brother, I wouldn't have troubled myself to come.

Note: For the 'If clause' use Simple Past to refer to the present, and use Past Perfect to refer to the past. For the secondary clause, use 'would+be' form to refer to the present, and use 'would+have been' form to refer to the past.


Past-Present:

If she had told her parents, I would be really embarrassed right now. (She did not tell her parents)

If it wasn't/hadn't been for her, I would still be nobody.

If I'd had the guts to tell her what I feel, she would still be here by now.

Note: I'd = 'I had' OR 'I would' depending on the context.


Past-Past:

If I had waited a little longer, I wouldn't have missed the chance to meet Sara Ali in person. (I did not wait)

Woudn't it have been better if I hadn't gotten the way of their relationship? (question form)

The marriage would've been sweeter for the couple if they had not been dating. (they were dating before marriage)


Wish clause:

For wish clauses, we use 'I/he/she/they wish' in the first clause, and in the next clause, use Simple Past to refer to the present, and Past Perfect to refer to the past.


I wish I could read her mind so I could tell if she has the same feelings.

I wish I could go to a distant planet and get her flowers from there.

I wish I had spoken to her when I had the chance.


Special Note: As Muslims we should be carefull in using the conditionals. It comes in a hadith, more or less the meaning, "The word 'if' opens the doors for syaitan to work." For example, we should not say "If I had taken a cab I would have made it in time to office." or "If I had stayed up all night I would have passed the test." These kinds of sayings, without us realizing, could damage our iman as in Islam it's part of our faith to believe that something that had befallen us could not have missed us, and something that had missed us could not have befallen us. InsyaAllah we'll try to be careful with what we say in the future. ^^

P/s: This is the most simplistic way I could come up with, the way I have understood it, I'm sorry if you still find it confusing. I couldn't do much editting either since both my desktop and laptop computers have been packed into the container to be shipped to Malaysia. Yes, I did all this with my tab computer. *Penat ketuk2*

My American Journal (2)

I couldn't wait all day, so I went ahead and picked the right trail. I hoped the right I'd chosen was the right right. As I went farther down the trail I realized the day was getting dark. Oh no, I wish I'd started the story with me carrying a flashlight in my pocket. Never mind. The bush was getting thicker, thornier, the surrounding getting creepier. At this point I'd lost count of how many scratches I was getting all over my body. I looked up, even the moon was eclipsed in half. I thought for a while if I'd made the wrong choice after all. But whining right now is futile, I've got to keep going, hoping that the end to this pricking thorns is just several steps ahead. Unfortunately, the end was never showing up. I was extremely exhausted, my legs were killing me, I was not going to last any longer. Just to top it all, I suddenly tripped over what seemed to feel like a rock, and "Dushh!" I fell hard on my knee. Now at least I know I had one bruise on. That's it! I give up! Where on earth is this place anyway? Wonderland? La-la Land? I almost passed out when a familiar glow glided over my face, emitting pleasant warmth. "It's you, butterfly buddy! Did you just come to my rescue?" She just did what she does best; hovered around and around and swirled playfully, which I found quite amusing sometimes, especially at this very moment. I got back on my feet, unsteadily, ready to follow her lead. "Here we go again buddy." I followed the glittery trail that she left behind as she flew ahead. Her glow looked even brighter and remarkably more beautiful in the dark. "Hey, you shouldn't have left me by myself back there you know. Some bad guy could've kidnapped me or something." I expected her not to answer, and she did exactly that. ^^ After a while, we finally made it to the end of the jungle of thorns. I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw a pond. Err..this time it was just an ordinary pond, no glitter, no glow, no flashy lights, no nothing. But I couldn't care less. I was so much thirsty that I just dashed to it and drank from it at that instant. To my surprise, the water tasted really sweet and good. Not only that, as soon as I took a sip of it I became rejuvenated and fresh again. Weird? Peculiar? Strange? Alright, I don't know what else to expect from this place. I turned to the butterfly and remarked, "You must know this place pretty well to have guided me twice. Why don't you lead me all the way out of here then?" Instead of responding to my request, she made the same goodbye gesture as before. Soon afterwards another butterfly similar in nature flew into the scene. I soon figured they were a pair. Now they both were saying goodbye. But this time I didn't ask why she had to leave, nor did I try to persuade her not to. She's a butterfly. A butterfly is meant to be with another butterfly. Why should an earth-bound creature like me get in the way. So I watched as they flew away over the pond, swirled around each other, and then vanished in the distance. "Well I guess this is goodbye?" I turned around. Before me a sign read, "You have completed stage 1 of this journey. Please proceed here." I was dumbfounded, speechless. All this Indiana Jones-like adventure I had gone through, and it was just the first stage of the entire journey? How many stages are there altogether? I thought to myself, "Man..I could really use a pair of wings right now." -THE END-

KauBoLEh (4)

This time around I think I'll go miscellaneous, since it's getting kinda tricky to group the parts into specific clusters.


Negative Statements with 'since', 'for', and 'in':

Ex1. Sara hasn't worked in the US since 1998.

Ex2. Edward hasn't seen his parents for a year. OR Edward hasn't seen his parents in a year.

Ex3. Sara felt bad for not giving him a chance to explain.

Ex4. Edward was sorry for not being able to be sincere.


Note: We often say 'in ages' to mean 'in a long time.'

Ex. Hi Sara! I haven't heard from you in ages! OR Hi Sara! I haven't heard from you for ages!

My American Journal

I've been wanting to write this out, but I didn't know where to start and was worried that if I did start I wouldn't know how to wrap it up. So many emotions have been bottle up inside me, to the point where, if any more minute pressure is added, the content will come gushing out. Oh, so I started. Now I need to figure out how to finish.

When I first came here to the US, I thought I knew what I came here for. But then as time ran by, I came to realize there was a lot more to that purpose I originally set my mind to. For a while I waded through a swamp of uncertainty; the sludge was pulling me down and my movements were jerky. At last I hit a hard land again. Then I groped my way through a pitch-dark tunnel, feeling the wall, taking baby steps so I wouldn't trip over. Then I saw this glowing butterfly. She was so beautiful that she got me lost in thoughts for a moment. I snapped back to my senses. Then she hovered over my head. At first I thought she was just teasing me for being helpless, but then as the hovering kept up I figured she was trying to tell me something. Soon I realized she wanted me to follow her. So I resumed my walk, this time a lot easier guided by the butterfly. "Hey butterfly buddy, where are you taking me?" I asked. Guess what she replied? She didn't. Butterflies don't speak. Finally, after a series of one-way dialog, aka monolog, the tunnel ended. Now the butterfly was saying gesturing her farewell. I persuaded, "Aren't you gonna stay? Please, hang around a little longer." Again she didn't answer. I never knew if butterflies have a mouth, but if they do, I think she would be smiling at this moment. So she left, and yet before my eyes, there was this huge gateway structure preceding a narrow, bushy, seemingly endless walkway. Man..and here I thought this journey had ended. I traveled the path, looking around as I tried to find something nice to lay my sight on. Bingo! My eyes caught sight of this glittery tree, which bore so many fruits. I thought to myself, "Now that looks yummy. I've got to try one of those." So I plucked one off, rubbed it against my shirt, and ate a bite of it. And guess what..it tasted..nothing. Not nothing as in tasteless, but this was plain 'nothing'. Now I wondered why a yummy-looking, sweet-smelling fruit should taste 'nothing'? I pondered over this as I walked on. What happened to the fruit? I left it on the ground under the tree. Before I could even scratch the surface of my lingering bewilderment, I jerked to a stop. Now I was looking at a split path, one heading right the other heading left. I scrutinized the nature of both paths, trying to figure out a difference, but they looked so similar that I met a dead end. I wished the butterfly had stayed for I needed her help...

KauBoLEh (3)

I wanted to pick up on the Present Perfect Continuous but there's nothing else really to be discussed. So, I'll just move on to the Past Perfect Continuous for this entry.


The Past Perfect Continuous is used to show the connection of a continuous action that was completed before another past action. The amount of time of the continuous action is expressed with 'for'.

Ex. 1: The fire had been burning for a week by the time it was controlled.

Ex. 2: They had been living in Rochester for 3 years when I came.

Ex. 3: The love letter was sent by a guy who had been stalking her for 3 months.


We use the past perfect continuous:

When an action took place over a period of time;

Ex. By the time the fire was put out, it had been burning for over a week.


We use the past perfect, instead of the past perfect continuous, with:

Nonaction verbs;

Ex. When the fire started, Rochester had had very little rain.


An action of no duration;

Ex. When residents returned, they found out that their homes had been destroyed.

A multiple or repeated action;

Ex. By the time the first half ended, Torres had scored 5 goals.


P/s: My college career has come to an end? I'm still in denial. -__-

boys day out

Shish invited us over to a end-of-the-quarter BBQ at Rustic Village public park near his house this afternoon. We had a great time, thanks to the nice and warm and windy weather. It's nice to be able to have some outdoor activities again after having remained dormant throughout the cold half of Rochester. Those who came were college students from Rochester area, mostly from University of Rochester (UofR). Well..I don't want to type the whole thing out, I guess the pictures can speak for themselves.

Putting teams together for a game. At some point I was worried I was gonna get squeezed between these muscle-bound fellas. ^^"

Me shooting hoops again after a long long while. I ran out of gas just after the first 5 minutes, no kidding.

The earth has been made clean for us to prostrate on..so no excuse not to pray, wherever you are!

This was awesomely delicious! But it would go better with some gravy. :D

I don't know what this is..it's some sort of dessert we had last before we left.

Flocking around for food..Err, I'll pass for now.

Husain Bawani, a doctor to be, an eloquent speaker.

The broiler, and volunteer waiters. Great job keeping the flame burning guys!

Later in the evening, we met this American guy who, I believe, were just stopping by at Islamic Center of Rochester (ICR) from a Lilac Festival that was going on nearby. He wanted to find out about Islam. He said he found the concept of Trinity confusing and that there are so many things in the Bible that don't seem to click. So we had like a small discussion with some other brothers to help clear his confusion. He seemed very interested in knowing the truth about both Islam and Christianity. May Allah lead him to the truth, for He always responds to those who are sincere in their intentions. Ameen. ^^

a 1-minute self-absorption

Intended for decoration ^^

Having reached this age, I still get this; "Oh, you're in college? I thought you were 16!" And I would go like -_-") for a second. Obviously the people here can't guesstimate our age just by looking. I guess having a beard doesn't help in telling that I'm old enough to get married either. It's no biggie actually, why make a fuss out of it..haih. In fact, I should be happy that I look younger on the outside, shouldn't I? (hoho) All the high schoolers I'm friends with are much taller, bigger, sturdier, handsomer than me, and their beards, Subhanallah, three times as big. Well check out what they eat for breakfast: Loaf breads with cream cheese (packets of them). I feel I'm getting fat just at the sight of it. I doubt if they could see the word "mature" written on my face at all. But ironically speaking, being mature has little to do with age; It's not about how long you have lived, but it's about how you behave, think, and react accordingly. Believe me, I've seen a 50-year-old who acted like a child, and it's not a good sight at all. Another definition of being mature would be being ready to take on the responsibilities that come along as you grow older, something I'm still untiringly working on. So, I really wish that this increase in age comes with an increase in taqwa, wisdom, good deeds, and closeness to Allah swt. Otherwise, getting up another level in age does not signify any good, right? And to mom, no matter how much beard I've grown, how many digits I have added to my age, I'm still your sweet little boy.

P/s: And..I insist on keeping, to some extent, this childlike nature of mine. :D

a glimpse into..

Allah swt loves His servants more than a mother loves her baby child. He loves every single human being; He hates the disbelief of the disbelievers, but as human beings Allah swt loves them. We are the best of His creation, whom He created with His own hands in stages. Apart from us, there is also creation that Allah swt created within just two words, 'kun! fayakun' (be! and it is). While all the other creation submits completely to the orders of Allah, we on the other hand can choose either to obey or disobey Him. Choosing to obey Allah, despite all the trials and temptations He has placed against us, elevates us to a high status in His eyes. If, and only if, the disbelievers knew how much love and mercy Allah has upon them, their limbs and flesh will fall off out of overwhelming shame, and even they would think there is a place for them in Jannah.

How do we know that Allah swt loves us so much? There must be signs to that. As for now, let's take a glimpse into the following stories and ponder over them;

1) Once a sinful woman was going on a journey. She saw a thirsty dog sitting by a well. She tied a cloth to her shoe, took water from the well and gave it to the dog. Over this mercy, Allah swt forgave her.

2) There was a sinful person. He did many sins in life. Before death, he advised his sons to burn his body after death and spread the ash in the air and water. His sons did this. In akhirah, Allah swt called that man and asked, "Why did you do this?" He said, "Due to my fear". Allah said, "Only for my fear: I have forgiven you. Go to Jannah."

3) On the day of judgement,there will be 2 sinful men. Allah swt will order them to go to Jahannam. One will run fast to Jahannam. Second will walk slowly, looking backward. Allah swt will call them back. Allah will ask the 1st man, why were you running. He will answer, "I did not obey you in Duniya. Today I want to obey you quickly". The second will answer, "I heard about your mercy and rahmah. Today I am looking towards your mercy". Allah swt will say, "You both go to Jannah".

4) On the day of judgement, a person will be lacking one good deed. Allah will say to him, "Bring one good deed or go to Jahannam". He will go to his relatives and friends. Nobody will give him even one good deed. At last, he will find a person who will have only one good deed with him. He will say, "I have only one good deed. I cannot go to Jannah. Please take my one good deed and you go to Jannah". Allah swt will ask, "Who gave you this one good deed". That person will be called. Allah swt will say, "You did mercy today, I do my mercy, You both go to Jannah".

Courtesy of: deen-path.blogspot.com

When a servant of Allah goes to the masjid, for every step he takes, one reward is written, one sin is removed, and one rank is elevated for him in the hereafter.

When a person intends to do good, a complete reward is written for him; and when he does it, the reward is multiplied at least ten times. When a person intends to do evil, none is written against him; if he stops himself from doing it out of fear of Allah, one complete reward is written for him; and if he does it anyway, only one sin is written against him.

If we look at the the above examples, it goes without saying that Allah swt is the Most Merciful. He forgives His servants for the most trivial of reasons. He is looking for excuses to forgive us every moment in our life. He wants all of us to enter Jannah, and the hellfire is just a warning. For this reason Allah swt sent the best of people (124 thousands anbia' a.s.) to the worst of people to tell about the glad tidings of Jannah and the warnings of Jahannam, so they would come back to Him in repentance. Had He wanted, He could have decided to give equal accounting to good and evil deeds but He had decided long ago that His Mercy is greater than His Wrath. =) Thus it's obviously our loss if we fail to draw a portion of His sheer Mercy upon ourselves. Wallahua'lam.

Kampung Boy Learning English (KauBoLEh) (2)

Present Perfect Tense contd.

The form of the verb we use for Present Perfect Tense is called the Past Participle (the third form of the verb);

Base Form >> Past Form >> Past Participle

work >> worked >> worked
write >> wrote >> written

So the following are a couple more examples on the usage of Present Perfect Tense to conclude the previous section;


3) Used to talk about an action that occurred in the past, which still has importance to a present situation

Ex. 1: I have received Adam’s letter.

Ex. 2: She hasn't made her decision yet.


4) Negative statements and questions with Present Perfect

Negative statement: He hasn't found a job yet.

Question: Why hasn't he found a job yet?

Now that we have covered the Present Perfect, we can proceed to the Present Perfect Continuous, which is slightly different in structure.


Present Perfect Continous (The Intro)

1) Used to talk about an action that started in the past and continues to the present

Ex. 1: I have been working at the same job since 2009.

Ex. 2: The company has been hiring foreign workers for many years.


2) Used to show that an action is still happening

Ex: He has been working for the past eight hours.


The tricky part is, with some verbs, we can use either the Present Perfect or the Present Perfect Continuous with very little difference in meaning

Ex. He has been working as a custodian for the past few years. OR
He has worked as a custodian for the past few years.


We do not use a continuous tense with nonaction verbs (like verbs that show feelings). You can ask Mr. Google for a list of nonaction verbs so you'll get a better picture of this.

Ex. I have known her for almost 3 years. (Not: have been knowing)


Okay, let's not cram in too much at once. Taking it easy helps you digest the material better. So far it's been quite easy and straightforward I guess, so keep the remaining gigabytes of your brain for later. I came up with the acronym 'KauBoLEh' so I don't have to keep typing out the long title, and it's kinda cool too. Ingenious kan? ^^

Kampung Boy Learning English (1)

I was thinking of something to do; something educational that I enjoy doing, which I can also share with others. So I thought I would do a review on English grammar. Yep, I do like grammar! As much as I like having Nasi Lemak and Teh Tarik for breakfast back home. I figured that the best way of learning is teaching; as you practice what you know, you help your brain retain it better.

So, what topic should we do a review on? Let's see..okay, let's do a review on 'Types of Tenses'. One thing that distinguishes English grammar from Malay grammar is the critical use of tenses, as in past, present, and future tenses. Instead of just adding words that indicate a specific tense, in English, the verb itself has to be modified accordingly. A mistake in tenses can disrupt the intended meaning of a sentence.

Present Perfect Tense

eat >> have eaten
beat >> have beaten
fly >> have flown


1) Used for a repeated action to show how many times you have done the action (up to the present)

Ex: I have eaten three cups of megi.

Use 'since' or a 'since clause' to specify the time;

Ex. I have eaten three cups of megi since yesterday.

Note: Always use Simple Past for a 'since clause';

Ex. I have eaten three cups of megi since I arrived.

2) Used for a state/feeling that extends from a point in the past to the present

Ex. 1: I have liked her since I first saw her.

Ex. 2: I have been frustrated since I found out she's taken.

Note: For a repeated action that was definitely completed in the past (not connected to the present), simply use Simple Past, with an appropriate time phrase;

Ex. 1 I went to Teluk Intan three times last year.

Ex. 2 I saw her only a few times last winter.

Okay let's stop here for now. Next time, I'll pick up our review on Present Perfect Continuous Tense. I'm sorry if you find the above wording confusing, and I'd love to accept any comments, corrections, and constructive criticisms too since I myself am still learning. Questions are most welcomed. Until the next lesson, see ya. Assalamualaikum. ^^

I'm sorry

I'd like to apologize to you..

• whom I made promises to that I didn't keep.
• whom I've given hopes only to crush them later.
• whom I didn't stand up for when I should.
• whose expectations I have failed to meet.
• whose resources I have spent to waste.
• whose company I've taken for granted.
• whose feelings I have hurt.
• whom I've put in an awkward position due to my lack of control over my feelings.
• whose sincerity I have doubted.
• whose trust I did't fulfill.
• whose feelings I didn't return.
• whose cuteness I can't resist?

I'd like to apologize for..

• not making the best of the chances I had.
• having been slacking off and not studying hard enough.
• spending on things I don't need.
• letting my gaze wander off.
• getting in the way when I'm not supposed to.
• not voicing out the truth when I should.
• not calling home often enough.
• not being of much help around.
• not being much of a good muslim, servant, dai'e, leader, son, brother, friend, student, JPA scholar, housemate, lab partner, blogger..oh, MySA member! (if I'm still considered a member ^^")

So..are my apologies accepted?

hadiah

Petang tadi Br. Intikhab datang. Terkejut jugak tiba-tiba dia telefon cakap nak singgah rumah dari balik kerja. Kitorang kat rumah tengah tengok bola dengan khusyuknya di TV skrin besar. Apa lagi..kemas2 lah apa yang patut kan. Maklumlah rumah orang lelaki bujang, rumah dah la kecik duduk ramai2 pulak tu (alasan!). Tiba2 terngiang kata2 ibu tercinta ditelinga; "Kamu ni suka letak barang merata, dompet, henset semua nak kena cari..ni nanti dah kahwin takkan bini nak kena cari?" "Ala..nanti kitorang cari sama-sama lah.." Nak jawab macam tu, tapi kupendamkan..haha. Ibu dan nasihat-nasihat nya..rindu lah! Balik ni azam nak berkhidmat untuk ayah dan ibu..hehe.

Oh kat mana tadi? Jadi, perlawanan antara Real Madrid dan Bayern Munich terpaksa diberhentikan sebentar apabila loceng berbunyi. Dipendekkan cerita, Br. Intikhab datang sebab nak bagi kitorang jubah2 yang dia kirim dari Toronto sebagai hadiah. Minggu lepas Br. Syish pergi Toronto nak renew passport dia, jadi dia kirimlah beli jubah dekat sebuah kedai ni kat sana. Saya dapat kaler hijau, Mael dapat putih, Wae dapat hitam..siap ada matching kopiah lagi. Seronok nampaknya Br. Intikhab tu bila dapat bagi kitorang hadiah. Kitorang pun seronok la dapat hadiah kan. Lepas ni nak kena rajin2 pakai jubah la nampaknya. Ni kira hadiah perpisahan la kot sebab kitorang pun nak balik Malaysia dah insyaAllah dlm sebulan dua. Kitorang dah anggap dia macam keluarga sendiri kat sini. Dia pun dah anggap kitorang macam anak-anak dia dah. Dia tau kitorang ni duduk jauh dari keluarga, jadi macam2 lah dia buat kadang2 tu sebab nak hiburkan hati kitorang. Lagu Negaraku pun dia dah hafal dan selalu nyanyi kat kitorang. Tapi dia punya melody off sikitlah..haha. Hm..mesti dia sedih sebab kitorang nak balik ni. Dia memang dah bagitau siap2 dia akan nangis nanti..huhu. Takpe, insyaAllah boleh tetap berhubung melalui Skype kan. Br. Intikhab siap mintak nak tengok kitorang kawin live dekat Skype lagi..macam mana tu?

Hari Jumaat ni satu jema'ah Arab dari Lackawanna akan khuruj di Masjid Ar Rahman di Bay St. Rochester insyaAllah. Ingat lagi masjid yang asal nya church tu, tapi dah dibeli dan dijadikan masjid oleh komuniti Yaman kat situ. Kalau tengok masjid tu luar dalam sebijik macam church. Kuasa Allah kan. Allah boleh tukar semua church kat dunia ni jadi masjid kalau Dia berkehendak. Tapi Allah nak muliakan kita dengan bagi kita peluang untuk tunjukkan usaha kita dulu. Dan kemudian Allah sendiri yang kan beri ganjaran kepada orang-orang yang berusaha untuk menegakkan agama-Nya. Allah tak perlukan kita untuk buat apa-apa..sikit pun tidak. Semoga kita tergolong di kalangan orang2 yang dipilih Allah untuk membantu agama-Nya. Ameen. ^^,

P/s: Exam Advance Immune tadi macam tak boleh jawab. Sedihnya. Dah la Real Madrid kalah..huhu.

hamna

Just got back from Syracuse. Feeling rejuvenated after a little dose of afternoon nap just now. This time around Adem, a US-born Turkish, went with us to Syracuse. He just finished at University at Buffalo, and is applying to a medical school for his Master's. He should be back in college by next Fall. I'm very glad that two other Malaysians, Syafiq and Izani, were with us this time. Syafiq left with us from here to Syracuse on Friday, while Izani who is currently doing his co-op in Syracuse joined us when we got there. Alhamdulillah. We had a great time and a lot of fun I guess especially for the kids in our jama'ah.

That weekend was a busy and important weekend to the community. They had a barbeque the day after we came. I can say that everybody was present for the event and that we came on the right weekend after all. Imam was very welcoming, receptive, and supportive of us. One time when addressing all of us at the masjid, he mentioned that he was happy and impressed to see many youngsters in our jama'ah who are involved in da'wah. I think they've got a beautiful and strong community of Muslims there. The whole time the masjid was full with kids and they seemed to be very comfortable being in the masjid. The way they instill affection for the masjid in their kids is something we should follow everywhere else. Sadly, in many places, kids are somewhat restricted from the masjid, for the reason that they would cause distractions. Of course something needs to be done to cut down on the distractions, but restricting them from the masjid altogether is never a good idea to me. Believe me, if our your kids didn't get to love the masjid in their childhood, it's even tougher for them to love the masjid when they get older owing to the negative influences that lurk around in today's environment.

at lunchtime: some members of our jama'ah sitting with an American revert

During jaulah Br. Nasir, Br. Irfan, Adem and I visited a Turkish Cultural Center somewhere downtown of Syracuse city. It was the first time we went there. We found out about it from a brother at the masjid. Our coming was welcomed. Br. Nasir gave some da'wah to us all before we offered maghrib together with the local Turkish brothers. Adem was telling me the whole time how he would love to re-polish his unpolished Turkish, and right there and then he got the chance to speak Turkish. I could see the excitement on his face the whole time he was doing that. He said his Turkish was 7/10, but from what I heard he pretty much still had it in him. (Or it was just me not being able to distinguish between bad Turkish and good Turkish..haha).

Izany was not with us all the time. As for Syafiq, I believe he really enjoyed the time we spent over there, judging from his expressions. No one can describe that enjoyment we're getting in khuruj until they experience it themselves. I may describe what I feel from A to Z to a brother, but he won't grasp what I meant for him to know until he himself step into it; in da'wah, there's more to feel than to describe. And apparently Syafiq has got that first-hand experience for himself. He is a better brother than I am. I pray that Allah will accept his sacrifice and reveal the truth of this effort to him. He made an intention to come with us again next month insyaAllah. Unfortunately, next khuruj would very likely be my last khuruj here in the US..huhu. It's our weakness that we have not done much effort to leave behind a legacy of Malaysian students for this effort. May Allah forgive us.

the wrapper

Anyway, I didn't come back here empty-handed! Hehehe. Remember that "independent little lady" from "Souvenir from Syracuse"? I met her again this time. She barely recognized me, but that didn't stop her from being annoyed by me (in a sweet way..haha). She's grown up a lot since last time. I just love the way she carries herself around in the midst of the community members. You would find her to be quite an impressive talker. One time I was just sitting in  a corner when she came up to me bringing a chocolate. Her: "Do you like chocolate?" Me: "No..not really?" Her: "Do you want this chocolate?" Me: (shaking my head) Her: "Here, you take the wrapper." Me: (took the wrapper with a confused expression). Then she left. There sure was a lot of kids to pick on at the masjid, but she really stood out amongst them. Somewhat she reminds me a lot of my little brother future daughter..haha (okay, quit dreaming already!) Someone told me that I'm a big dreamer, and I'm afraid I can't totally deny that..hurrmm. And to top everything, I got her name this time; her name is HAMNA. =)

the wrapper giver 

P/s: I accidentally crushed the wrapper in my jubah's pocket. Err..would it be creepy for me to keep the wrapper? ^^"

multiple tongues?

Our student gathering last Sunday went well though we had less attendance than we'd expected. As a matter of fact, we almost canceled the program. A brother's wife passed away a day before and they were having the funeral and some Quranic recitation for the deceased in the same day. We thought we would cancel our program to give way to theirs, but the brothers at ICR encouraged us the otherwise since we had planned the gathering way ahead of time. Besides the recitation would due later in the afternoon, so we made some changes to our program so we could finish before they started. Afterward, we joined them in the recitation.

Over the food, I sat at the same table with Br. Intikhab and some other Malaysians. At one point in our conversation, we were talking about how easy it is for a child to pick up multiple languages, due to the fact that their minds are still pure of "contamination" and irrelevant thoughts we grown-ups tend to have. Br. Intikhab gave the example of his sons. His youngest son is not even in school yet, but his English is already as good as any other native kids'. He learned English so quickly just by being around his older brothers and watching English programs on TV; you can see the environmental influence there. For those who started learning a foreign language later in life (like me), try as hard as you may, it will always be your second language; it's hard to make it nearly as good as your first language. As we grow old our tongues harden, which makes learning a new language even tougher (bitter truth). So I was saying that it's good to teach your children more than one languages, because for kids, picking up multiple languages is not a burden. They are in a stage where they can readily absorb anything at all you throw at them. Likewise, this is also a delicate time when you should teach as much Islamic basics as possible to them so this may be retained throughout their entire life. "Kids never forget." This is what I came to learn through my occasional observations on my little brother, Akim. Trust me, kids nowadays are far smarter than we were as kids. This holds true at least in my case. Throw them a laptop, an iPhone, or a Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1, they'll have it all figured out before you know it. But just before you do that, be ready to face the risk that you might not get it back until they fall asleep.

Iklan: Meet my new baby, Encik Samsung. ^^

I believe knowing multiple languages will come in handy later in a child's life, a favorable addition perhaps to his future career as a Dai'e Illallah. The more people they can communicate with, the bigger their "business network" is insyaAllah. Okay, coming to a more important point; the best way to work on these pure minds is to nourish them with the verses of Allah: teach them Quran. Make them huffaz if possible, or ulama', or both.. then you may mold them into someone else: a doctor, a lawyer, or a biotechnologist (though I wouldn't prefer this last option). As I said, "Kids never forget." So you wanna make sure that those things they won't forget, that they are bringing along with them throughout their life, are the things that not only will help them here, but also hereafter. And they might as well be of help to you on the Day of Judgment; after all, children are the best investment for the parents. Wallahua'lam.

P/s: So, what third languages you want your kids/future kids to learn? :D

sublime conduct

"To know someone's true character, watch how they treat people closest to them."

Observing good character or good conduct is part of Iman. In fact, it is a very essential component of Islam that the Prophet saw himself was sent by Allah swt to perfect the akhlak of his people, to teach us good manners. Going back to the above quote, a person's true character is reflected in the way they deal with those closest to them (parents, siblings etc) Most of the time we would observe good manners around strangers, but then show our true colors around close company.

It's pretty easy to keep our cool in front of people we barely know, but unfortunately, we tend to blow our top when dealing with our close ones. This is when our true colors shine through. Sounds familiar? It does to me. -__-") Observing good manners is no small thing; an 'abid (devout worshiper) could end up in Jahannam for hurting his/her neighbor. That is why the reward for observing good manners is also tremendous, as told by our beloved Propet saw;

Jabir r.a. reported: The Prophet saw said, “The dearest and nearest among you to me on the Day of Resurrection will be one who is the best of you in manners..."

Abu Hurairah r.a. reported: The Prophet saw said, “The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent; and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.”

Abud-Darda r.a. reported: The Prophet saw said, “Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the Scale of the believer than good manners. Allah hates one who utters foul or coarse language.”

Abu Umamah Al-Bahili r.a. reported: The Prophet saw said, “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest levels of Jannah for one who has good manners."

Jika ingin tahu akhlak sebenar seseorang,

lihatlah dia sewaktu dia sangat marah.

Jika ingin melihat kehebatan akhlaknya

lihatlah dia sewaktu berurusan dengan orang yang mencerca & membencinya.

Jika ingin lihat keadilan mindanya dan kebaikan pola pemikirannya,

lihatlah cara dia berbincang dengan orang pandangan berbeza dengannya.

Jika ingin lihat amanahnya,

lihat cara dia berurusan wang & duit denganmu.

Jika ingin lihat kawalan nafsunya,

lihat cara dia berbicara dengan org berlainan jantina yg dia sukai.

-Ustaz Zaharuddin-

"Ikramul muslimin (giving honor/respect to fellow muslims) is the test of Iman."

Whether we realize it or not, our Iman is being tested every single time we interact with the people around. To put up with their different kinds of attitudes and manners is not easy; to smile to an insult, to forgive and forget, showing compassion to foes, being humble to complements, clinging to humility, all this relates back to our Iman. May Allah guide us to keep working on our iman, may Allah guide us to excel in good character. Ameen. =)

finally~

I knew something was not right! Hehe. Alhamdulillah, hopefully everything will work out smoothly after this. Tell the world I'm coming home, insyaAllah.

Click on the image to share my joy.

P/s: Phew! I'm a happy guy now. Hm..rasa macam nak belanja seseorang pun ada nih. =)

homing in on home

I've been worried sick about my pending flight tickets home. All my housemates have received their tickets but strangely I can't feel mine being on their way. Honestly, I feel like I'm dying every second I'm here lately. This overwhelming longing for home is becoming unbearable, and torturing. It's not that I can't wait to start a job or something, or that I've got some outstandingly good grades to show my parents, or some super-cool goodies that I'm getting them. It's not that I feel happy about leaving here either, or that..I have some girl I'd like my parents to meet. I know I'd be really sad about leaving those people I've known from here. That's why I've been going around collecting their Skype IDs so I can skype them later when I get home..hoho. Too bad we don't have a yearbook like back in middle school to pass around, kan. Okay back to my state of helplessness. At this very moment, I just want to be home in the company of my family, and cats (we used to have only one! and Gogo died!). And apparently this pending answer on my tickets really adds to the frustration. Patience ye Adam, patience.

Yes. I'm homesick. Thank you.

P/s: Excuse me for the drama. Saje..bersenda gurau di petang hari. (I still can't believe what I got for my Advanced Immune exam! -__-")

Pp/s: We are holding a student gathering this coming Sunday at ICR, but for boys only la. Please pray for the success of our (probably) last gathering together.