from =) to : )

Once, the door to my house was wide open, that almost anybody at all could enter through it. The more of them came, the more my house was turning into a mess. Then I realized that this had to stop. I needed to keep them out for some time to clean up my house and put things in order before any more guests should come. And I made a policy..that the next guest I would allow in must be worth it. And I wanted this guest to see the best of my house. I’ve started ever since..cleaning and mopping, washing, vacuuming and everything. And I was enjoying all this. Once in a while, I glanced at the door. Sometimes I heard noises, sometimes I heard a knock. As much as I wanted to get the door, I resisted myself from doing so..whispering to myself, “You must get the house clean and tidy first!” Time passed and I couldn't take it anymore. So I opened the door just enough so I could peek out..to see what was going on outside..and then shut it back before anyone could notice. I saw a lot of them passing by..but nobody seemed to be coming my way. Day after day, I kept peeking out from the small opening of the door..until the time came when I thought I’d seen enough of this. So I decided to seal the door now for once, and open it back later when my house and I are ready to accept a guest..IF any would come at all. I was pushing on the door slowly..very slowly. Now it was shut..and I needed to lock it from inside. But then, just before I could snap the lock in, outside I heard someone was knocking. I stopped and waited for a while. Then I opened the door a little so I could see the person. I saw a guest standing on my doorstep..smiling. The guest said salam to me and I answered. I’d never seen this guest before. Anyway, the conversation began..and it kept going..on and on..but I was still not letting the guest in. I started to get convinced that this guest could be the one. I glanced inside. Forget about all the fancy furniture and decorations, even the cleaning was hardly complete. And I just remembered, I had nothing to serve to the guest..almost nothing at all. Then the guest said, in such a way that my heart was shaken, “Can I come in?" I was stunned..speechless. At the same time I kept glancing into my house back and forth, considering if it's the right time to let someone in. Now the big question, what should I do?

My heart is between You and me. You know what is behind every portion of it..not a single particle from You I can hide. If we were to unite, unite us in the rightful way..and if we were to part, part us in the best of ways. Help us take care of our hearts, from being overwhelmed by our desires. Make our love connected to that of Yours..so if we don't have each other, we always have You, our Lord, our Protector. If this is a test, You know better I'm weak for it, so show me the way to ace it.

"buddy muddy"

WARNING! This entry is awfully lengthy. Think twice before you even start. Once you have started, you MUST finish it.

Alhamdulillah..home from khuruj in one piece! We had tons and tons of fun and learning from it. Every jama'ah that we went in was never the same; each had its own unique lessons to ponder over, memories to reminisce about, trials to overcome, bitterness to swallow, awkwardness and anomalies to frown at, and keepsakes to smile about. And this one was no exception. It has become my tradition to write a full-length account on my winter-break khuruj. But the thing is, I always had trouble figuring out where to start..and when I did start, I didn't know when to stop..hoho. *See..even the pre-intro has taken up a complete paragraph there* As much as I want to immortalize every single detail of my khuruj on this humble blog of mine, I realize it is as impractical as wading through the snow barefooted. Anyway, I'll try to be as concise and compact as possible this time *cliche huh?*

(12.16.11) Buffalo Markaz Masjid, 105 Woltz Avenue, Buffalo, NY 14212

On Friday evening, Br. Intikhab and Br. Irfan dropped us off at Buffalo Markaz. We spent the week before ijtima' around Buffalo area, starting out with eight people in the jama'ah: Br. Ibrahim from Guyana (amir), Br. Kamran and Br. Anjum from Pakistan, Br. Muhammad from Uzbekistan, Br. Raqeeb from Bangladesh, and the three of us from Malaysia. Only the first three brothers were spending 40 days, while the rest were spending two weeks or less. Saturday morning, our jama'ah left to Masjid Al Huda, Lackawanna.

Masjid Al Huda, 158 Wilkesbarre St Lackawanna, NY 14218

Here, we witnessed an Arabic-speaking, former US airman taking Syahadah. We all waited in line to give him a hug after the Syahadah. Later, he told us all about his conversion story. He was a translator for the US air force. So his job required him to be in close contact with Muslims, which ultimately led him towards embracing Islam. He said his accepting Islam was inspired by a Muslim woman named Huda, who portrayed to him what a true Muslim really is, through her iman and character. He was telling the story both in English and Arabic, since most of the Yamanese brothers there don't understand English well. My jaw just dropped when I heard how fluent his Arabic was. An American speaking Arabic..impressive huh? May Allah make him a means to spread more of His guidance. We also met the community's newly appointed imam from Egypt. The new imam introduced himself to the people in the masjid. Subhanallah..his recitation of quran was beautiful. Once at bedtime, we had a conference-like muzakarah, and we were doing muzakarah on marriage..hoho. Ok, that's always a topic of interest. We also had a proper ta'aruf session before to make sure that all of us know each other well. These people in my jama'ah..they were just hilarious..especially our amir. He is just an expert at cracking jokes.

Masjid At Taqwa, 1754 Amherst Street, Buffalo, NY

We met Ramli, Azizi and some other Malaysians from University at Buffalo (UB). We didn't get to tasykil any Malaysians though since many of them were attending some other programs. It was sort of a clash. But alhamdulillah, some of them who came to the masjid did sit in our programs. On Thursday afternoon, our jama'ah left for Ijtima', while Muhammad, Raqeeb, and Br. Kamran stayed behind. Muhammad and Rafiq could not proceed with us since they got work to do. As for Br. Kamran, he left a day later and took some students with him who later joined our jama'ah at the ijtima'.

Masjid Zakariyya, 182 Sobieski Street, Buffalo, NY 14212

We picked up Br. Mas'ood, an elder, on the way. We met Br. Sajjat, a Malay-speaking Pakistani there too. He was in Malaysia for about 30 years, and was living in Sabah. He speaks excellent Malay, although it is in Sabahan accent. His first wife was Sabahan if I'm not mistaken..and I don't recall who his second wife is..it must be Pakistani though. On the way, we stopped by Rochester at Isyak time to pick up two students, Junaid and Hader, for the ijtima'. We thought that we would cook some Malaysian cooking later on, so we took some spices from our house. Too bad we never got to use it. -_-")

(12.23.11-12.25.11) Boston Ijtima' at Worcester Islamic Center,
248 E Mountain St Worcester, MA 01606

At the ijtima', we met Jahir Rafiq and Ishaq Ma Ming, exchange students from UK & China respectively. They were sleeping next to us in the masjid. I had a lot of fun chats with them over the ijtima', and I got to show off some of my Chinese too..hoho. Actually, that was all I got. ^^" I first saw Ishaq on the very next morning of our arrival. He was serving breakfast with the other khidmat brothers. Among those hundreds of typical faces, his really caught my eye. Seriously, that was the first time I spoke to a Chinese Muslim. Even back home, I never met a Chinese Muslim..and besides, Ishaq is from the mainland. He lives in Beijing. His grandfather travels to Malaysia every now and then for business. As for Jahir, he is originally from Bangladesh. Both of them are staying in the US for six months. Also, we met Abg Halim, a Malay post-doc student studying at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). He's in early 30's (I think) and is newly married. He is by himself for now, but his family is coming over soon. I didn't get to dig much about him..but I bet my other two friends must know more about this guy. We did exchange contacts though. Then, we met Abdul Rafeeq, a Malay-speaking Burmese. About this brother..we happened to meet him at mealtime. He was speaking fluent Malay and I was much impressed with that. He was expressing his delight for meeting us there. He lived in Malaysia for about ten years before coming here..and is currently staying with some relatives in Utica, NY. He's planning to live permanently in the US, and has already applied for his green card. Br. Amin Shah was there too, a Penang-born who can't really speak Malay no more. I first met him at Masjid Noor (Boston Markaz) last year when we were spending time from the same ijtma'. I don't know..somehow..I'm quite upset about his forgetting Malay. I strongly think he should get his mother-tongue back, don't you think? We listened to series of great bayans by great ulama' over the three days, which opened our minds towards understanding this effort. Guess what..we saw a Nik Aziz look-a-like at the ijtima'..haha. I even shook hands with him. Upon leaving from ijtima', we recruited new members in the jama'ah: Hafiz Anas, Asyraf, Uzair, Abdullah (Somali), Br. Kamal, Br. Munawar. Well, we lost two members but got seven back. Br. Munawar was with us only for three days, until we got to his home in Utica, NY. He is..subhanallah..a very elderly elder in this dakwah effort. He's 85 years old now and yet is still steadfast in dakwah. May Allah bless him and accept his years of sacrifice for this Deen.

Islamic Center of New England, 470 South Street, Quincy, MA 02169-8722

Here, we prepared a three-day student jama'ah made up of Iraqi and Afghani youths. These students made intention to spend three days in khuruj. We left them to the local brothers, since our jama'ah was already too big to accommodate them. We already had like 13 people at this point. This community here is blessed with a very good imam, who is very sincere and truthful in his speech. Allah swt allowed us to benefit from his knowledge and wisdom during our stay. Later, we visited a Thai community for Jaulah. It was great..I got to meet some brothers from our neighbor, Thailand. Though I don't know how many Thai families were there exactly, I think they have a pretty much established community to hold on to.

The Muslim Comm. Assoc. of Mohawk Valley,
1631 Kemble Street, Utica, NY 13501

This was where we listened to a multilingual khutbah for the first time. The khutbah was given in Bosnian, English, and Burmese by three different persons. And then there was a fourth person for leading the solat. Near downtown, we discovered the Bosnian Islamic Association of Utica. This is a huge, gigantic masjid belonging to the Bosnian community in Utica. But unfortunately, it's function as a masjid has been overshadowed by cultural practices rather than religious practices. I was thinking, if this building was made into a center of dakwah, thousands would benefit from it. May Allah turn it into a markaz one day..ameen. Br. Kamran, Br. Anjum, and myself once went to pray Fajr at the masjid, and we met the imam, while the rest of our jama'ah had gone there earlier for Jumu'ah prayer. The imam was a little different from the entire community; he had some concern for dakwah effort. But he by himself is too much outnumbered by the entire community. We took the address..insyaAllah, more jama'ahs will be sent here from time to time to work on this masjid. We visited a Burmese Musolla some walking distance away. Amir sab, Br. Anjum, and myself went here for jaulah one day. This musolla was opened about two years ago. It was basically a two-floor apartment, where the first floor is allocated for the musolla. This was where I met again with Br. Rafeeq. I can't really explain it..but it feels really good to know a foreign person who speaks your language. There is this inexplicable closeness between you and him. Ok..forget it if you don't get it. -_-") Now..we had a hafiz of Quran in our jama'ah. Guess who? It's Anas. Anas and Asyraf..these two are close buddies. Anas finished his madrasah not long ago, and now he goes to the same regular high school as Asyraf does. Anas was telling us about his anxiety that he may be forgetting his memorization for not being in the right environment now. Hmm..somehow I think he should continue on with his 'alim course. Amir sab was always trying to separate these two from each other..because when there were together, they would go..untraceable. Whenever we were collecting people for an 'amal, they would always disappear into thin air. Hmm..after all, they are still youngsters. Wait, I was talking about Anas. Ok..he once led the Isyak solat there, and subhnallah..I think he got good qiraat and a beautiful voice. In fact, when we went back to ICR upon finishing the khuruj, Br. Rauf Bawani interviewed him to see if he can lead Tarawih at ICR for Ramadhan this year. Just one thing..this kid speaks really fast..like a rocket. Only pure American ears could fairly keep up with him..huhu. I think many huffaz tend to speak fast?

Bosnian Islamic Assoc. of Utica, 306 Court Street, Utica, NY 13502-4203

Syracuse Masjid, 925 Comstock Avenue Syracuse, NY 13210

This masjid is..I would say..our playground..haha. We've been coming here (Mael, Wae, and me) like so many many times. So, I won't elaborate much on it. We stopped by another Burmese Musolla before we actually went to this masjid for our stay. Amir sab decided half of us to do jaulah at the Burmese musolla, while the rest would do it at the masjid. Our jama'ah then rejoined after Isyak. This other Burmese musolla was located in the attic of an apartment. I could tell they really put a lot of effort into establishing this musolla, despite being poor. And from this musolla they are establishing all the five 'amal of Masjidil Nabawi. Well, these Burmese people may be poor in material wealth, but they are very rich in love and ikram. Me may not understand what they have gone through, living as refugees in a land foreign to them. May Allah elevate them in their status..ameen.

Now, it's time we parted. On Sunday morning (01.01.12), all the kids (Asyraf, Anas, Abdullah, Uzair) and the three of us Malays left for Rochester, while the other five brothers continued on with their khuruj. The night before, we had a long mesyuarah on whether they should let these kids (including us three) drive home by ourselves, for the fear that something "funny" might happen on the way when kids are by themselves without adult supervision (am I not an adult?). As decided, Asyraf was driving Br. Anjum's truck, Wae was made amir for the journey aka co-driver. Me? I was sitting comfortably in the back, enjoying the view along the way. It was an all-youngsters trip home. We reached Islamic Center of Rochester (ICR) at noon, where we dropped off the kids, and then went home, where we dropped off the truck. Uzair's dad came shortly before we left from the masjid to take those kids to Buffalo.

Islamic Center of Rochester (ICR), 727 West Fall Road,

Rochester, NY 14620

In our jama'ah, Br. Anjum was the comedian..aka my "buddy muddy". Don't ask me where the term came from. He was always making fun of our small beards though (unlike us Malaysians, Pakistanis have big full beards). One time after Wae finished his Fajr bayan, he said "Ridzuan, when you were doing bayan, I was counting the hair in your beard..you have 125 hairs altogether." And we were like..*pffft* I was looking at my beard in the mirror..he was passing by. Seeing me he said "What are you looking at man? There's hardly anything there." Again, I was like *pffft* It's OK, I did get my revenge on him sometimes..hoho. Honestly speaking..I think he could use some "speech filter" as his remarks could be irritating sometimes. But anyway, everybody liked him the way he is. In fact, it would've been boring without him around. In this jama'ah we always "forgive and forget"..that's what amir sab always reminded us about. The most important thing to keep in a jama'ah is unity. You can spend time with all ulama' you want, but if you can't keep the unity in the jama'ah, you won't benefit anything from it. Everybody has their own faults and shortcomings..and some are apparent than the others. A successful jama'ah is always the one that goes and comes back united. Think..if we can't keep the unity between 10-12 people, how are we going to bring unity in the entire ummah? Wallahua'lam. THE END. =)

p/s: I'd love to include more pictures, but I didn't really get to take any. Well, this was no regular outing where you get to take pictures all the time. I did have most of the bayans recorded though..and insyaAllah I'll post them up in the next entry for us all to benefit from. Jazakallah khair.

a bedtime story

I'd like to share a story a brother in our jama'ah was telling us at bedtime..a story that made me look deep into myself and think, how many flaws I have in me that require immediate treatment. I'm just paraphrasing it from what I heard..so there may be a few "kinks" here and there. And I need to add some flavors of my own too in it..hehe.

Once in the time of the tabi'in, there was a Christian king. One day, the king and his army captured a young Muslim man. The man was about to be killed, but then the king's adviser told him that this young man would be more useful to them alive. If they could convert him into a Christian, he would be of great use in the preaching of Christianity. That's what they thought. So, the king agreed to spare the young man and ordered him to be kept in isolation for three days until he denounces his faith. But the young man was no ordinary Muslim who would simply give up his iman. After three days their plan didn't work..the young man was still steadfast on his iman. So, the king and his people consulted among themselves about what else to do to convert him. Now..the king had a very beautiful daughter. So he decided to send her to seduce this young man. And so she went to him. She was trying hard to seduce him and did every thing a young girl could possibly do to win over a young guy. But the young man did not waver in his iman. He never brought his gaze up despite all her attempts. At all times, he was keeping his gaze down. After three days of unfruitful effort, she finally got fed up. She asked the young man, "Who are you? Are you a stone? Are you made of stone? Are you not a human? What is it that's stopping you from looking at me..such a beautiful girl? What is it that's forcing you not to even glance at me?" Then the young muslim answered, "ALLAH...!" in such a way that her heart was shaken. Later, she went to her father and told him that she almost succeeded. She also told the king that she needs two horses to take the man with her so she can really convince him this time. So the king agreed, and she took him for a ride outside the palace. Then she said to the young Muslim man, "I want to learn about your Allah." He replied, "We're in a Christian environment. If you want to learn about Allah, you need to go to a Muslim environment." On hearing this, she asked the man to take her to this Muslim place that he meant. So the young man took her to a Muslim settlement, where he introduced her to one 'alim from behind a curtain. Cutting to the chase, she finally  became Muslim. After a while, she went back to the young man and said to him, "I want to marry you." The man replied, "Why me? You are a Muslim now, you are free to marry any of the Muslim men." She said, "No. I just want to marry you." "Why?" "Because I want a husband who is loyal to me. The way you are loyal to your Allah, that's how you will be loyal to me."

The brother was saying, "If you give up haram for halal, Allah will give you either an equivalent to that or something even better...If you get caught up in such a situation, the only thing that can save you is iman...Among the things for which Allah swt will grant you Jannah: replying to the azan, practicing miswak as a habit, sitting in a gathering of iman as someone who is thirsty for knowledge not as a critic, and taking care of your gaze."

p/s: Only He knows how hard it is to observe all these things..because Jannah is expensive.