My American Journal (2)

I couldn't wait all day, so I went ahead and picked the right trail. I hoped the right I'd chosen was the right right. As I went farther down the trail I realized the day was getting dark. Oh no, I wish I'd started the story with me carrying a flashlight in my pocket. Never mind. The bush was getting thicker, thornier, the surrounding getting creepier. At this point I'd lost count of how many scratches I was getting all over my body. I looked up, even the moon was eclipsed in half. I thought for a while if I'd made the wrong choice after all. But whining right now is futile, I've got to keep going, hoping that the end to this pricking thorns is just several steps ahead. Unfortunately, the end was never showing up. I was extremely exhausted, my legs were killing me, I was not going to last any longer. Just to top it all, I suddenly tripped over what seemed to feel like a rock, and "Dushh!" I fell hard on my knee. Now at least I know I had one bruise on. That's it! I give up! Where on earth is this place anyway? Wonderland? La-la Land? I almost passed out when a familiar glow glided over my face, emitting pleasant warmth. "It's you, butterfly buddy! Did you just come to my rescue?" She just did what she does best; hovered around and around and swirled playfully, which I found quite amusing sometimes, especially at this very moment. I got back on my feet, unsteadily, ready to follow her lead. "Here we go again buddy." I followed the glittery trail that she left behind as she flew ahead. Her glow looked even brighter and remarkably more beautiful in the dark. "Hey, you shouldn't have left me by myself back there you know. Some bad guy could've kidnapped me or something." I expected her not to answer, and she did exactly that. ^^ After a while, we finally made it to the end of the jungle of thorns. I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw a pond. Err..this time it was just an ordinary pond, no glitter, no glow, no flashy lights, no nothing. But I couldn't care less. I was so much thirsty that I just dashed to it and drank from it at that instant. To my surprise, the water tasted really sweet and good. Not only that, as soon as I took a sip of it I became rejuvenated and fresh again. Weird? Peculiar? Strange? Alright, I don't know what else to expect from this place. I turned to the butterfly and remarked, "You must know this place pretty well to have guided me twice. Why don't you lead me all the way out of here then?" Instead of responding to my request, she made the same goodbye gesture as before. Soon afterwards another butterfly similar in nature flew into the scene. I soon figured they were a pair. Now they both were saying goodbye. But this time I didn't ask why she had to leave, nor did I try to persuade her not to. She's a butterfly. A butterfly is meant to be with another butterfly. Why should an earth-bound creature like me get in the way. So I watched as they flew away over the pond, swirled around each other, and then vanished in the distance. "Well I guess this is goodbye?" I turned around. Before me a sign read, "You have completed stage 1 of this journey. Please proceed here." I was dumbfounded, speechless. All this Indiana Jones-like adventure I had gone through, and it was just the first stage of the entire journey? How many stages are there altogether? I thought to myself, "Man..I could really use a pair of wings right now." -THE END-

My American Journal

I've been wanting to write this out, but I didn't know where to start and was worried that if I did start I wouldn't know how to wrap it up. So many emotions have been bottle up inside me, to the point where, if any more minute pressure is added, the content will come gushing out. Oh, so I started. Now I need to figure out how to finish.

When I first came here to the US, I thought I knew what I came here for. But then as time ran by, I came to realize there was a lot more to that purpose I originally set my mind to. For a while I waded through a swamp of uncertainty; the sludge was pulling me down and my movements were jerky. At last I hit a hard land again. Then I groped my way through a pitch-dark tunnel, feeling the wall, taking baby steps so I wouldn't trip over. Then I saw this glowing butterfly. She was so beautiful that she got me lost in thoughts for a moment. I snapped back to my senses. Then she hovered over my head. At first I thought she was just teasing me for being helpless, but then as the hovering kept up I figured she was trying to tell me something. Soon I realized she wanted me to follow her. So I resumed my walk, this time a lot easier guided by the butterfly. "Hey butterfly buddy, where are you taking me?" I asked. Guess what she replied? She didn't. Butterflies don't speak. Finally, after a series of one-way dialog, aka monolog, the tunnel ended. Now the butterfly was saying gesturing her farewell. I persuaded, "Aren't you gonna stay? Please, hang around a little longer." Again she didn't answer. I never knew if butterflies have a mouth, but if they do, I think she would be smiling at this moment. So she left, and yet before my eyes, there was this huge gateway structure preceding a narrow, bushy, seemingly endless walkway. Man..and here I thought this journey had ended. I traveled the path, looking around as I tried to find something nice to lay my sight on. Bingo! My eyes caught sight of this glittery tree, which bore so many fruits. I thought to myself, "Now that looks yummy. I've got to try one of those." So I plucked one off, rubbed it against my shirt, and ate a bite of it. And guess what..it tasted..nothing. Not nothing as in tasteless, but this was plain 'nothing'. Now I wondered why a yummy-looking, sweet-smelling fruit should taste 'nothing'? I pondered over this as I walked on. What happened to the fruit? I left it on the ground under the tree. Before I could even scratch the surface of my lingering bewilderment, I jerked to a stop. Now I was looking at a split path, one heading right the other heading left. I scrutinized the nature of both paths, trying to figure out a difference, but they looked so similar that I met a dead end. I wished the butterfly had stayed for I needed her help...

not yet

...so I let the guest in. As any other host would have felt, I enjoyed the company of this guest, a lot. I tried my best to meet the expectations of a good host. But it turned out that my house wasn't ready after all. The guest helped out much with the cleaning though..and I was left with a smile. The door has been sealed again, for now. I guess it's time for me to get back to cleaning and mopping again..and perhaps some furnishing and decorating too this time. And hopefully I will not have to open the door again until I'm actually finished working.

I believe this is Him taking care of our hearts. ^^

from =) to : )

Once, the door to my house was wide open, that almost anybody at all could enter through it. The more of them came, the more my house was turning into a mess. Then I realized that this had to stop. I needed to keep them out for some time to clean up my house and put things in order before any more guests should come. And I made a policy..that the next guest I would allow in must be worth it. And I wanted this guest to see the best of my house. I’ve started ever since..cleaning and mopping, washing, vacuuming and everything. And I was enjoying all this. Once in a while, I glanced at the door. Sometimes I heard noises, sometimes I heard a knock. As much as I wanted to get the door, I resisted myself from doing so..whispering to myself, “You must get the house clean and tidy first!” Time passed and I couldn't take it anymore. So I opened the door just enough so I could peek out..to see what was going on outside..and then shut it back before anyone could notice. I saw a lot of them passing by..but nobody seemed to be coming my way. Day after day, I kept peeking out from the small opening of the door..until the time came when I thought I’d seen enough of this. So I decided to seal the door now for once, and open it back later when my house and I are ready to accept a guest..IF any would come at all. I was pushing on the door slowly..very slowly. Now it was shut..and I needed to lock it from inside. But then, just before I could snap the lock in, outside I heard someone was knocking. I stopped and waited for a while. Then I opened the door a little so I could see the person. I saw a guest standing on my doorstep..smiling. The guest said salam to me and I answered. I’d never seen this guest before. Anyway, the conversation began..and it kept going..on and on..but I was still not letting the guest in. I started to get convinced that this guest could be the one. I glanced inside. Forget about all the fancy furniture and decorations, even the cleaning was hardly complete. And I just remembered, I had nothing to serve to the guest..almost nothing at all. Then the guest said, in such a way that my heart was shaken, “Can I come in?" I was stunned..speechless. At the same time I kept glancing into my house back and forth, considering if it's the right time to let someone in. Now the big question, what should I do?

My heart is between You and me. You know what is behind every portion of it..not a single particle from You I can hide. If we were to unite, unite us in the rightful way..and if we were to part, part us in the best of ways. Help us take care of our hearts, from being overwhelmed by our desires. Make our love connected to that of Yours..so if we don't have each other, we always have You, our Lord, our Protector. If this is a test, You know better I'm weak for it, so show me the way to ace it.